Rejection
When Those You Love Won't Show up for Your Story
You know that feeling when you finally work up the courage to ask for help - like, really ask for it - and instead of a yes, you get silence? Or worse, judgment?
Yeah. I know that feeling too.
The Rejection I Wasn’t Prepared For
When I finished writing Already Forgiven, my abortion memoir, I was riding this weird wave of vulnerability and hope. I’d spent years swimming in shame before I finally started my healing journey. Writing the book was terrifying and freeing all at once. And like anyone who’s been through something hard, I turned to the people I thought would catch me: my family.
Most of them did show up. But one family member - we’ll call her Morgan - didn’t just decline to review my book. She declined in a way that felt like a door slamming.
“Even bad publicity is good for business,” she told me when I asked why she wouldn’t review my book.
Ouch.
Morgan explained that because my book doesn’t align with biblical teachings, she wouldn’t help anyone either move toward it or avoid it. She wouldn’t even give the book a bad review. That’s how determined she was not to support my project in any way.
Morgan’s message was crystal clear: “You’re doing something I don’t agree with, and therefore I won’t help you.”
Okay. Fair enough… but it hurt just the same.
The Gap I’m Trying to Fill
Here’s the thing - my book is NOT based on the Bible. And that’s intentional.
When I was in the early phases of healing back in 2008, I noticed something glaring: of the few resources available to help someone recover after an abortion, there was a blatant lack of materials for non-Christians. Almost everything was faith-based in a very specific way. And I thought, What about everyone else? What about the people who don’t follow that path?
Everyone deserves to heal, regardless of their religion, creed, or lack thereof.
I actually found it ironic that Morgan rejected my work on religious grounds, because the Bible itself is full of examples of Jesus healing people and never once did he insist, “First follow me and then I’ll heal you.” Here are a few examples that stand out for me:
That Roman centurion: A Roman military officer (a Gentile) asked Jesus to heal his servant. Jesus commended his faith and healed the servant - thus demonstrating compassion to someone outside the Jewish faith.
Then there were those ten lepers: Jesus healed ten lepers, only one of whom returned to thank him. Incidentally, that one was a Samaritan, considered a religious outcast. Jesus had still healed all ten, regardless of who they were or even whether they would be grateful.
And I can never forget the soldier: When a disciple cut off the ear of the high priest’s servant during Jesus’ arrest, Jesus immediately healed him - even though this man was literally there to arrest him.
Jesus’ example wasn’t to avoid people who weren’t following the “correct path.” It was to engage with them compassionately.
The Right Path Might Just Be Healing
I’m not here to judge what may or may not be the “right path.” But I know this for a fact: a hurting person often needs to calm the pain before any “right path” can even become clear.
Maybe the right path is… healing.
If you’re being helpful, loving, compassionate, and respectful toward others while navigating your own healing - then don’t let anyone tell you that you’re not on the right path. There are infinite paths up a mountain, all leading to the same ultimate destination.
What Morgan’s Rejection Taught Me
Morgan’s response stung. Hard. It left me feeling vulnerable and ashamed - the exact feelings I’d worked so hard to move through. I’d made a bold move by asking for help, and I felt blatantly rejected and shamed in return.
But what I’ve come to understand is this: healing is your own. It’s not defined by anyone’s acceptance or rejection of your path.
Others’ reactions to your process only reflect where they are in their development as a human being - which is neither good nor bad. It just is what it is. So even though the temptation might be to take a reaction personally, don’t. Because it’s not.
Morgan is on her perfect path. I’m on mine. You’re on yours.
Her rejection taught me that I need to be prepared - mentally and emotionally - for the naysayers, the poo-poo-ers, and the I-don’t-care-ers. Because they’re out there. They might even be in your own family.
And the trickiest part is this: healing requires breaking down walls. Getting rejected made me instantly want to build new ones. But I’m learning to be mindful that I don’t retreat back to that fortified prison and accidentally reverse the progress I have made.
You Don’t Need Permission to Heal
If you’re reading this and you’ve experienced rejection on your healing journey - whether from family, friends, or faith communities - I want you to know: you don’t need their permission to heal.
You don’t need anyone’s approval to choose peace over pain.
You don’t need anyone’s blessing to decide that you deserve compassion, including from yourself.
Your healing journey is valid, no matter who shows up for it and who doesn’t.
Your Turn
Have you experienced rejection when you asked for support in your healing? How did you handle it? I’d love to hear your story in the comments below. Or maybe you have a question about how to handle a situation. Ask that in the comments instead. I’ll respond to every single comment. Please know that you’re not alone in this.
And if you know someone who might need to hear this message today, please share this post with them. Sometimes knowing that someone else has walked this path makes all the difference.
You deserve to heal. Full stop.