Five Ways to Turn Pain into Peace
Creating Rituals for Abortion Anniversaries
Did you know that April is Abortion Recovery Awareness Month? This month is dedicated to encouraging healing and raising awareness about the emotional impact of abortion.
How does one measure the true weight of an abortion anniversary? It’s a day that can sneak up on you dragging with it waves of grief, confusion, or even unexpected numbness. Maybe you’ve tried to ignore it, hoping time would soften its edges. It gets smaller, and fainter, and lighter … but it just … never … quite … vanishes. How about this? Instead of trying to bury the past, what if you reclaimed this day as a moment to honor your healing? Rituals aren’t about erasing pain; they’re about creating space to acknowledge it, process it, and gently move forward.
Why Rituals Matter
Rituals act as bridges between our inner world and outer reality. They help us externalize emotions that often feel too heavy to carry alone. As grief counselor Dr. Alan Wolfelt says, “Mourning means to express your grief outside of yourself.” For abortion-related grief—which society often silences—rituals become a radical act of self-compassion. They validate your experience, honor your loss, and mark your resilience.
Rituals to Consider
1. Write a Letter to Your Younger Self (or Your Potential Child)
Put pen to paper. Tell your story without judgment. You might write:
“I wish I could have told you then what I know now—that you are stronger than you think and that you do make it through the pain.”
When you’re finished writing, burn, bury, or tear the letter up as a symbolic gesture of letting go.
2. Create a Physical Memorial
Plant a tree or flower that blooms annually, a living reminder of growth.
Design a memory box with items that bring comfort: a poem, a candle, or a small token.
Engrave jewelry with a meaningful date, word, or symbol (e.g., a lotus for resilience).
3. Light a Candle
Lighting a candle is a simple yet profound act. As it flickers, name what you’re releasing into the flame (like shame or anger.) Then name what you’re inviting (such as peace and forgiveness.)
4. Gather Stones, Not Just Stories
Inspired by Jewish rituals of remembrance, collect stones and inscribe them with words like “Hope” or “Love.” Place them in a meaningful spot—a garden, a riverbank, or a community memorial site.
5. Move Your Body
Run a mile, dance to a song that speaks to your heart, or practice yoga. Physical movement can channel emotions that words can’t capture.
Every year assess your comfort level with how you perform the ritual(s) or your choice. You might always want it to be a private moment for yourself, but as time goes on, you might feel comfortable including loved ones in this sacred activity. I encourage you to let yourself be seen. I mean you don’t have to make a public display that gets you featured on the 5:00 news, but it’s good for your healing when you feel that you don’t have anything to hide, and it’s also really good for others to witness how you demonstrate self-love and compassion. So if you want to take it to the next level, then try bonus suggestion number six.
6. Create a Collective Ritual
Hold a group ceremony. Invite a friend or two. Maybe they have also had abortions or maybe they just love you and want to support you. Make a plan that is simple and that will feel memorable. Then do something enjoyable together like going out for dinner.
When Rituals Feel Too Heavy
It’s okay if planning a ritual overwhelms you. Start small:
Set a 5-minute timer to sit quietly with your thoughts.
Play a song that mirrors your emotions.
Whisper a mantra: “I am here. I am whole.”
Why Now?
For years, society offered few spaces to process abortion grief. But as I have said before, a lack of resources is no longer an excuse not to heal. Today, you have permission to design rituals that fit your needs—whether that’s a private moment with a journal or a shared ceremony with trusted loved ones.
Your Next Step
This anniversary doesn’t have to be a shadow. Let it be a doorway. Light that candle. Write that line. Plant that seed. However you choose to mark it, remember: Healing isn’t about moving on—it’s about moving through.
If you’re unsure where to start, take this questionnaire to explore personalized support options.
Together in courage, let’s encourage each other to keep healing.
P.S. Rituals evolve—just like healing. What works today might shift tomorrow. Honor that, too.
Thank you Tahera 😘
Outstanding advice! ❤️