Fear

Humanity's Greatest Nemesis

Fear is everywhere. It unites us, as evidenced by the Salem Witch Trials or the Nazi Germany Holocaust. Masses of people will point fingers to doom a fellow human rather than being so doomed themselves. It guides us, as during the so-called “Holy” Wars. Armies convinced of their righteousness set out to conquer, kill, and destroy.

This is probably no spoiler alert, but I made the decision to have an abortion out of fear. In writing my book, the concept of fear is popping up everywhere, so it seems appropriate that I write about it here. Fear is something that we all have in common. We all have to navigate through it and learn how to manage it. Some people seem to be afraid of nothing while others of us are scared of a fly. 

As a child I felt scared by lots of things. While this is not an exhaustive list, some things that scared me were getting in trouble, dogs, strangers, spiders, the dark, speaking in class, sinning, cockroaches, being the center of attention, large gatherings, being wrong, bees, feeling judged, and basically, being myself. Cram all that fear inside a shy introvert and it leaves very little room for self-esteem. It’s not surprising in hindsight that I made such an egregious error of judgment all those years ago.

People aren’t born scared. Children experience something that they interpret through fear or worry or trauma. That’s when fear starts. We make decisions about fear from such a young age that we don’t even realize we’ve made them. 

Fear is not the self, yet we define ourselves by our fears. We don’t question things like “I’m scared of snakes” or “I have acrophobia.” Instead we say, “That’s just who I am.” We brush it off. We accept it as true. We never do any work to understand why we are the way we are or to find out if it’s possible to ease or redirect the fear. It’s way easier to be scared of snakes than to do anything about it. Besides, being scared of snakes seems pretty benign. It’s probably not going to affect anyone’s life negatively never to handle a snake.

The only thing fear can ever be is a crutch. If I’m scared of criticism then I never have to give my opinion even when I have an interesting point of view. If I’m scared of an audience then I never have to speak in public even if my words could inspire lots of people. 

To live in fear is constantly to be running away from fear, which means you can never be yourself. I was afraid to be in trouble most of my life. I painstakingly avoided doing the “wrong thing,” not because I personally thought through the pros and cons and came to my own decision, but because I simply didn’t want to get in trouble. I tried so hard not to get hurt that I never stood for anything. I didn’t even know who I was.

Fear never offers good counsel. When I was the most scared I’ve ever felt, I had an abortion. Going down the rabbit hole of fear has got me thinking that the world’s worst problems are all rooted in fear in some form on some level. School shootings, the “Black Lives Matter” campaign, and the “Me Too” movement are all modern demonstrations of fear. Slavery is an extension of fear. Wars begin out of fear. I started to wonder, as the war in the Ukraine enters its second year, what is Putin afraid of? People don’t violently invade countries because they feel safe, confident, and at ease. People also don’t sit at the far end of a long table because they feel comfortable and content. I think buried within the walls of his ornate and beautiful palace, Putin must secretly feel like he’s not good enough. Even if my hunch is off, I’d bet that I’m close. If Putin were stripped of his title, his power, and all his material wealth, I’m not so sure he would know how to feel good about himself. That’s sad, and it makes me feel empathy for Putin, but I digress… 

We make decisions all the time and then hate ourselves for them. We’re afraid to gain weight so we make intentions to go to the gym three times a week. We either hate our time there or we stop going and then hate ourselves for quitting. To be in fear is to be out of integrity. Many of us are setting New Year’s goals or intentions right now. Is your intention aligned with the soul within you or is it aligned to the fear stuck to your surface?

Fear is a liar. Fear is always false. It does not live in the heart. The only place that can hold fear is the mind. We need to agree to disagree with the mind and stop believing everything we think. “I’m sick.” “I’m a loser.” “I’m fat.” “I’m stupid.” “I’m bad at math.” “I can’t sing.” FALSE! Stop believing everything you think. The mind is only trying to protect you from whatever it is you’re afraid of. Ironically, the mind cannot fix the problems which it created, as Einstein so brilliantly pointed out. We need to become skilled at learning to agree to disagree with our own mind.

My only intention right now is to publish a book in 2023. I’m scared to death to do it, which is how I know I’m on the right track. I’ve heard it said that if you’re not scared, then you’re not dreaming big enough. It would be much easier to be scared, write a little here and there, and never finish the book. It’s even scary writing this article. Fortunately, we just celebrated the new year in a new country, so I poured myself a glass of celebratory wine and sat down in front of my laptop. Nothing is ever as big or as bad as it seems so here I go.

I’ve confessed the worst thing that fear has ever “guided” me to do. Now that I’ve listed my fears and babbled on about fear, I’m curious to know about you. What scares you and what have you done out of fear? Also, did you overcome your fear or does it still haunt you? If you’ve conquered your fear, did it happen organically or did you take purposeful steps to eliminate it? If it’s not too personal, would you mind sharing your stories? If that’s asking too much then would you share a goal or intention that you have and why it’s important to you? Thank you for participating with me. I look forward to reading all your comments below!